I hate you, don't leave me

A daily occurrence in the toxic cycle of live and abuse within the narcissistic relationship, if you can call it that, is being told to get the fuck out or away from the narcissist. He needs space, iI tell myself, he doesn't really want me gone. Or maybe his newest love interest is requiring his love and attention and he's desperate to host this event so he'll do anything to get me out of his way in order to receive the affirmation that his new affair provides  He doesnt love me and never did. He is incapable in every sense of the word although it feels like an acceptable substitute when you're this hungry for the love and safety of a father's arms ....